The sleepy hypocrite

Before I had Tate, I swore up and down that I would never co-sleep. The kids would have their own bed, just as I had mine. When my sister had trouble "weaning" my nephew from co-sleeping, I was even more adamant that my children would not sleep with me on a regular basis. He only slept in our room for about 2 weeks after he was born and that was only because we didn't have a baby monitor that worked.
I stood my ground and Tate didn't sleep with us... for about 10 months. By the time he was that old, I was so tired from getting up several times a night, I just gave up. My initial plans were to let him go back to sleep and then carry him to his bed. Ha! I was so exhausted, I never woke back up. Now, almost 5 months later, the cycle continues and I feel like the biggest hypocrite ever. But he seems to sleep so much better in Mommy and Daddy's bed whether we are in it or not. Why is that?
The biggest problem is he doesn't know how to self-soothe very well. When he was an infant, Tate had acid reflux. If we did not hold him upright at least 30 minutes after he ate, as soon as we laid him down, everything would come back up. We tried shorter intervals with no luck. After he outgrew the reflux, we still rocked him to sleep. I know it's a mistake because at 15 months, we still have to rock him. It's a vicious cycle.
We have tried cry-it-out and it doesn't work. First of all, he is so stubborn he has cried and screamed for over 2 hours without giving up. Second, he gets so mad that he throws up. I have read multiple books on what to do, but still I don't have any real answers and nothing seems to work for us.
Lately, I have been really hesitant to go in his room if he starts fussing after he's been asleep. It seems to be working better to help him self-soothe. The other night, I was putting clothes away in his room after he went to sleep and something happened to make him lift his head. Fortunately, he was on his stomach facing away from me. I shut the bedroom door because the hall light was on, then waited and breathed in the dark while he fussed. I knew he wasn't all the way awake. He went back to sleep on his own and I was able to escape without detection. Now if we can just keep him asleep all night and figure out how to get him to go to sleep on his own at night and nap time we will be in business!
I suspect some sleep apnea because he does snore and will wake up with a start sometimes. When I go into his room, he grabs me around the neck like he is scared to death. His doctor says there isn't anything we can do about it until he is older. That's a little hard to believe and it's a pretty serious condition, if that's what it is. Michael heard that taking him to a chiropractor or kinesiologist can help with sleep disorders in kids. I had a friend who took her daughter for one to help with ear infections, something we have also struggled with, and her daughter never had another problem.
We visited the kinesiologist this morning and he tested Tate for some food allergies. Just when I thought he was doing better with milk, ta-da, milk showed as a weakness for his immune system. Soy also showed some trouble, but nothing compared to the dairy. So now we are going to eliminate ALL dairy from his diet. That means nothing with milk in it. The next few weeks are going to be tough because Tate loves cheese. We are going to try rice milk again and make a trip to the health food stores in Wichita and/ or Newton to find a cheese alternative. None of our grocery stores, including our local health food store, carry any substitutes.
I worked at a health food store in college and was always thankful I didn't have food allergies. There was a lot of time spent reading labels and researching products. Now, I am thankful that it is only a dairy allergy with minimal soy and not a gluten, corn or wheat allergy! I am hopeful that if we can get the ear issues and the allergies under control, sleep for the Johnson/ Collins household will happen on a more frequent and regular basis... in our respective beds too!