My breastfeeding journey

** Warning: This is a post about breastfeeding. There isn't anything extremely graphic, but I know it makes some people uncomfortable, so proceed at your own risk.**

August 1-7 is World Breastfeeding Week. Tate and I weren't successful in our breastfeeding journey, so this is a first for me. It is a love/ hate relationship. If I can make it close to a year with Mayer, I will be happy. I don't have any plans to continue much beyond that time. I plan on using the farmer's almanac recommendation for when to wean. That is what we did when we took the bottle away from Tate and it worked well.
I love that I don't have to pay for formula, pack bottles and water to feed Mayer. I don't have to make sure the water is the right temperature, everything is ready-made. I love that I have been able to bring my baby to work with me. (Thanks, Dad!) I love that it helped me lose the baby weight faster. 
The hate side seems to be stronger for me. I hate that Mayer is so dependent on me. I wish he and Michael were able to bond during feedings like Michael and Tate did. I have had trouble pumping, so we haven't been able to use a bottle. Michael has been nothing but supportive, but I still feel like it has somehow effected their relationship in a negative way.
I couldn't have kept going without Motherlove more milk plus, to help keep my supply up, Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple butter and the support of my family and friends. My mom and sister breastfed all 3 of their babies. My sister has provided some comic relief with her stories. My dad has allowed me to bring Mayer to work with me. He and my brother have also put up with some exposure in the workplace. It makes my father-in-law uncomfortable, although he has never said anything, but he won't look at me when I do it in the same room. My mother-in-law will sit with me in another room, if she can, so I don't have to be alone. My friends have shared their experiences and encouraged me to keep going.
My estrogen levels have been so low, the doctor had to prescribe some. He told me I would have to quit breastfeeding if they didn't increase. They have gotten better, but I know I am still very low. I haven't been super diligent about using the supplement because it is rather annoying. I use it when I feel like I need to.
I have wanted to quit numerous times, but I am determined to make it to my goal. Michael is right, I will be disappointed in myself if I don't reach my goal. I am already disappointed that I didn't try harder with Tate. I was so naive the first time around. I wish I would have known about the resources I know about now. The new lactation consultant was also A LOT more helpful than the last one. Sometimes it is the little things that seem to make all the difference.